like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
I listened to the last 10 minutes of that 20 minute voicemail, it's solid gold. At one point he literally suggests we buy tasers and go around shooting people.
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.
Thats a chance were just gonna have to take
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
watching spice world high feels so wrong yet so right
Yo I get this girl alone in my room last night but she bounces cus she thought the full house poster was "weird"
I touched a dick in church today
dude, you ran into a window then asked ME what the fuck I was doing.
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
Randomize
