Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw
strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing
could be more
absolutely not
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
Apparently I'm the last girl he had sex with. That was over a month ago. If he can go that long without sex then he's clearly not the guy for me
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
Let's be honest, I am pretty sketchy looking.
he just fucked me for my cheese.
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
I miss my innocence.
I miss being able to say, "I've never done this before."
Are you sure you found YOUR underwear?
Excuse me. I’m a mature responsible adult.
You got your arm stuck in a vending machine trying to get fruit snacks.
I had a cast on my hand and if I paid for my fruit snacks, I’m getting my fruit snacks.
Randomize
