I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
Here. I am here. I do not know where here is but it includes condom balloons, a keg castle, and a shaved goat. Do not find me...I am in post blackout heaven.
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
just creeped your profile pictures and you should feel satisfied in knowing that you had great eyebrows even before people started drawing them on
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
Plus he probably didn't want to be at home, alone... Jacking off on the big screen without you there to lend a helping hand. I mean, let's be honest. It's not fun if it's not a little weird.
His ass is a ten, but his personality is a two. Which would average to a six if I didn't have to figure in apologizing to all and sundry. In short hard no. Get a new wingman.
Randomize
