btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
Wow. Thanks for becoming another fan of something on Facebook. You make me want to gouge my eyes out.
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
He tried to carry her to her room after she passed out, but when he picked her up she came back to, saw him, screamed rape and pulled out her vuvuzela app and blasting it like a rape whistle.
She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
When ur uncle gives you free weed, you take it
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
Randomize
