Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
you need to know that there is a kid here wearing an i mosh for Jesus shirt
And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
hey boys, thanks for all the pictures of your dick you took with my camera last night...they were really nice to stumble upon while reliving my night in the breakroom today at work
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
Member that time when we got super drunk and had fun and fell in love
I remember it like it was tomorrow.
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
I don't know. I was hiding and the bed was banging. I am going to sleep now in someone's car.
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
You also hate cartoons and musicals, so I will take that to mean the movie was as awesome as I thought it was..smoke weed
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
Randomize
