white trash or talent: driving, 1 hand on the wheel, 1 holding a cell phone & talking & smoking without using hands..in an old beater pickup..
Both
I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
I watched her choke out a bouncer with the broken strap from her purse, I think shes the one.
I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me.
I JUST REALIZED HOW SOFT YOUR TABLE IS! and I also just started rolling
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
Why were you twerking to, "The Wheels on the Bus"?
Pretty sure I was naked for most of the night.....success
Omg I just smoked and it was the end so I basically got resin and death, my throat feels like the twilight vampire description of their thirst for blood
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