Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
you know how i said i wouldn't send that pic message of your lofted bed falling from you fucking a fat chick? that was after i sent it to your mom
may or may not have recieved head in the car before we came in.
First straight guy ever blown in a Prius. Congrats.
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
She gave me a BJ with my hoodie on. it was like i was blowing myself.
The higher i get, the less gay he looks, and the more i want to make out with him. This is dangerous.
he told me he was watching a movie and he'd be over later and i asked how long. he said 8 inches give or take. you cease to amaze me with the guys you set me up with.
He has in a pan: ten pieces of bacon, two cloves of garlic, an egg (not scrambled or hard boiled, just an egg) and frozen corn.
Cat. Why do you sit on things I need to use.
Because it is cat.
Talking to friends parents while buying all the things needed for Jell-O shots. classic
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
He just jumped up off the couch, screamed "ITS OVER NINE THOUSAND!" And then attempted to fly out the window like a bird. I don't know nor do I care to know what just happened
Apparently the girl he banged in the bathroom yelled at him for hitting on me all night. But whatever, he was holding her hand for most of it
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