before i could say "i'm not that kind of girl", i was.
She gave me a blow job and her mom gave me blueberry muffin afterwards. I love them.
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
im swimming of confusion and bacardi. where do i go from herrrrrre
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
Yeahhh, apparently my brothers think its ok not to check on me if a creeper is talking to me bc i "like those weirdo types"
Also this freshmen guy is talking about his gag reflex and no one is making blowjob jokes. I have no faith in the next generation.
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
She's seen your dick through your pants. You don't need to ask
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
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