My whole home page is your drunken face booking, congrats.
Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
Some girl next to me in class is making a list of whta to pack for spring break & it was a normal list until she put birth control in all caps w/ stars around it
I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
Randomize
