My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
Small Doughy Asian men and sleeveless hoodies with nothing underneath do not mix well.
Sounds like the climatic scene of my favorite erotic novel.
accomplished twins. life is a go
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
Does peppermint hummus sound good or am I just high?
Jen's arm is stuck between a wall and her bed. She's naked and needs someone to go help her.
Dude I am not desperate enough to pay my dealer in change. Maybe tomorrow.
Thats gotta be it. Also just found out that the fireworks will fit in the airsoft pistols...we are all gonna die
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
You came on the chandelier from the first floor.. Of course were allowed back
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
Btw, apparently no one knows who ordered the pizzas for the after party, no one paid, and the delivery lady made a celeb shot, took a beer, then said she'd be back later to finish up the game...
Randomize
