I'm in your bed right now
Okay meet you there give me 10
Don't think you can make me leave either
Give me ten I ha e to be ******'s wingman I want you
??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
i knew she was desperate at the point in which she started showing me her naked pics on her phone
My financial advisor pointed out that 37% of my income is currently going towards "non-essential food items"
That's banker lingo for "you're an alcoholic"
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
I'm tired of stuffing my fat into a slutty costume. Next year let's go as homeless girls. Cute ones. In leggings with camel toe.
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
All I remember is receiving a lap dance to slow motion.
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
I’m ready to be reckless and make stupid decisions, and I need you to support me in that.
your mission the party friday: cockblock me at ALL costs. I've cheated on my boyfriend twice. I feel like three times would be crossing some sort of line...
and no, I don't care how how hot he is
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