Just had to reach into my sister's bag and shut off her vibrator so my parents wouldn't hear it. I am the world's greatest brother.
i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
This girl wants me to lick her pits
pits??
Yeah pits, I think I still go for it though
it was all downhill after the free blackjack taco
rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
His new job just became new places to have sex at.
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.
We watched scrubs, then I got a shower blowjob which led to shower sex and the living room floor sex. Now she's baking cookies. I may not be studying, but I'm doing something right.
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
Will you PLEASE get your mom to stop telling me I'd make a great husband? She knows I'm gay, right?!
I know, but she really likes you. Have you met my brother yet?
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