hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now.
Walk back down Church toward Mass Ave. Take a right and head for the guy in a kilt on top of the really tall unicycle. C u soon!
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
I'm going to pretend you don't watch My Little Pony and focus on your large cock. Kay? Don't bring it up again.
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
Have you ever given your heart and soul to someone and they turn out to be nothing but a great fuck that makes a mean grilled cheese because same
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
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