You gave him head? He fingered you? A little bit of make out?
WHAT THE FUCK ITS LIKE YOU WERE THERE
There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
its a sex-hate relationship...no love involved
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
You'd be amazed at how difficult it is to find pics of the helicopter dick
I am very proud of your internet skills
I've come to the conclusion all of your awkward and complicated male encounters could easily be intercepted by a man town Yankee candle and a vibrator. Sleep on that tell me your thoughts in the morning. Sweet dreams.
I can give you five reasons its your baby
and I can give you 10 reasons it's not, but I'm busy so I'll just go with you have the wrong number. And also I'm a straight girl.
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
Randomize
