i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
Idk, it's Grover wearing a sombrero. Do I need a reason?
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
is it cool if i crash at ur house this weekend again bro
yea dude but i wld bring a sleeping bag or something just in case. or u may just have to shack up with a woman or 2 cuz we hav 10 girls visiting/staying over at my house.
how did u manage to make sleeping with a bunch of girls sound like an inconvenience?
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
Sadly he is straight as an arrow that is designed by a robot computer from the future with lasers.
This saddens me. Mostly because I want to see the schematics on that robot.
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
the conference was great. we had to hide the acid in a planter in front of the department of agriculture though
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
Three of my exes and one of my exes' brothers have hit me up and it's only been a week. I hate semester break.
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
I was doing handstands in the jail cell and crying “IM A HIGH SCHOOL TEACHER AND IT’S CHRISTMAS EEEEEVE”
Randomize
