We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
all we ever talk about is how much i like your dick or my drug problem.
Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
I got home and laid by the toilet and then alexa laid in the bathtub and sang the preamble while kayla held my hair
I'm glad I get the same reaction from you for cookies and for my naked body
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
i made that whipped coffee shit today. took six pouches of instant espresso.
please tell me you didn’t consume six shots of espresso
:)
i can feel colors
Randomize
