You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
what about "I will fuck you for a jamba juice" do you not understand?
it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
Thursday nights need to stop happening to me.
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
I would compare it to a jeffrey but in smoothie form. More drugs in here than Bobby Brown's sock drawer.
Hurry up. Some creepy guy with a "God is vengeful" flyer is asking where I wanna go most today. I think he's going to chop me into pieces.
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
It’s official. I’ve hooked up with all three brothers now
You should go after Dad now
I should! He’s definitely middle age fuckable
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