So I just did the walk of shame at dunkin... A lady told me me I was really dressed up and I told her I was going to a luncheon.
i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
No, he's fine. He only wanted to know why there were traffic pylons in the living room and how the peanut butter got on the ceiling.
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
Im just a social blackout drinker.
I've fallen from my one moral pedestal
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
i was so high i thought the horse on my poster was running
We were hunting our best friend with a BB gun in the backyard. I'd say the vaporizer was a worthy investment at this point.
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
So how do u get your coat out of the coat room when someone is fucking on it?
Randomize
