So she puts out... but it wasn't worth it
I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
Just do it. I grew some lady balls and did it last year. It's your turn. Time to show what you're made of. Hit it or quit it.
Btw I did not technically have a dick in me but I was naked in bed with a man during the last finals game so that is why the Warriors won
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
I don't trust him but hanging out with him might be fun
he's literally satan but yeah probably
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
Randomize
