I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
phil was outside the bar last night, sitting on the ground playing songs on a guitar hero guitar to people walking by for money...best version of free bird ever
my way of studying for our final tomorrow: registering online to retake the class in the fall
all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
He told everyone he was freezing their keys so they couldn't drive drunk. When I opened the freezer this morning, my keys were at the bottom of an unfrozen ice cream tub of vodka.
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
HER BOYFRIEND CAME HOME WHILE WE WERE GETTING IT ON IN THE SHOWER
At least you smelled nice while he kicked your ass.
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