Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
his penis is PERFECT
I want to put it in a shoebox and place cottonbls around it to protect it from any harm
or knit it little hat
Then he showed me his sketchbook. Every drawing was a hand in different 'fingering positions'. Dear JESUS.
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
Nvm, he just almost drank his drink from last night, his drink that has the condom in it. Kinda answers my question.
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
Still fucking the ballerina?
She can put her legs behind her head.
Enough said
Girl behind me in line at CVS was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan B soon she might be a mom and that if we couldn't tell she'd be a horrible mom
Just found out a shooting happened in our parking lot while it was closed this morning. So thaaaaaaaaats fun.
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