Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
They need a stunt cock, be about 20 more minutes.
Bonus points if someone shits their pants. Only 1/2 bonus points if it's you
Bonus points are bonus points regardless
he told me he was a Boston Bruins fan so I took his hat into the bathroom and peed in it...I've never been a prouder Ranger fan
I don't care if he got kidnapped by a cult one time he is a dick
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
I don't think Buddha would recommend a sexscpade across Mexico
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
I would offer you moral support, but I have questionable morals..
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
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