woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
So I had sex with him again. He's still got it. Not chlamydia, he got rid of that.
i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
I cut my penus on the lid.
I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
Hiding in the clothes rack at walmart like a 4 year old. Already scared 3 people. New fav weekend activity
shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
Dude he's your dog he doesn't love me more than you. I'm just like that cool uncle that takes him to burger king and to see girls.
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
It's Scottsdale, it shouldn't be this hard to find drugs.
If the guys trying to booty call text me could see me right now in some raggedy pajamas with toothpaste down the front of my shirt eating pepperoni out of the package they might change their minds
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
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