made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
While I was fucking her, they came in and served us both weed from a hookah. best. friends. ever.
i signed up to donate 10 dollars a month to help the children that are being displaced in columbia because of the drug wars.. i felt obligated
her cat was choking so she kept trying to stick her finger in her cat's mouth while saying "it's okay kitty, just do what mommy does"
we were both as far on opposite edges of my bed as possible this morning. id say work is gonna be a little uncomfortable from now on
thank you for tagging me in all my pictures as "skank" and yourself as "made by the hands of God"
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
just let her blow you already, it's practically animal cruelty at this point.
I feel like delivery guys should know that when you order lunch for one and answer the door wearing sweatpants, there's no need to say "Happy Valentine's Day."
I have fruit by the foot roll-ups. I wonder if a man could tie them together and make an editable bra....
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
Randomize
