the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
I'm pretty sure I left my reasoning skills at home last night, and just brought anger and rage with me.
when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
I just helped a group of highschool stoners find a safe place to smoke I feel like a responsible rolemodel
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
they sound like some classy girls.
Hey, I don't give them daddy issues, I just take advantage of it. The real bad guy here is American parenting.
I can only only sleep there on nights I orgasm cause he snores so loud and if he leaves me hanging one more time ill probably cut off his dick from lack of sleep and frustration
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
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