Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
We just all danced like dinosaurs in the center of the dance floor.
Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
Naked and Afraid: Hangover edition
I think clothing becomes optional at the second date! But you seem like a rule breaker
I'm 4,715,723% sure I don't give a fuck.
It's okay to masturbate while watching the Comey testimony right?
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
Randomize
