turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
Hahaha I asked him about her bjs and he said "I would not wish that on anyone"
I can feel the fear and stress bubbling in my stomach. Or maybe that is the pregnancy.
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
Well, our assistant supervisor caught us on the back stairs...he invited us on a double date with his fiance and him. I guess our job approves of the relationship?
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
NINJAAAA
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
You're either getting fucked or a coupon to Friendly's. I haven't decided yet.
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
Randomize
