My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
If your still trying to figure out the moment I stopped caring; it was the point in which you said "I really wasn't sure whose baby it was"
just paid a stripper to have a minute conversation about the arizona game WTF
I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently.
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
I did shrooms last night. My drug checklist is complete, I can finally graduate.
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
The only person I have to bring is crazy hospital guy
HE'S NOT INVITED!!!
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
Don't tell me you're on acid again
FYI telling a guy that you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj, is NOT a compliment.
Nothing quite like spending your evening singing Shania Twain I Feel Like a Woman barbershop quartet Style with some homeless guys outside of Keyport liquor. love Shania Twain. How's your Sunday?
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