we went to that german restaurant and drank out of the boots. Then I threw up into one
the mole on his forehead could get me off better than his dick
please tell me you have proof of this
...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex
I feel I need to conquer him. He's six ft eight and 265lbs. Its like the mount Everest of sex.
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
I broke the girls bed. I will not apologize about bragging.
foreskin is a definite game changer
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
Me too like the fact they didn't arrest me wants to send them an edible arrangement
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
If there's one thing I think I could really excel it, it's curating a midlife crisis
I HATE BEING THIS HIGH FML IT'S LIKE I'M MAKING UP FOR ALL THE 4:20S I DIDNT DO ALL AT ONCE
Randomize
