how is it that boston is so bitchin and the rest of massachusetts sucks so much?
how is it that you still think "bitchin" is an acceptable term anymore?
Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
Just got done reading an 11 page essay for class. Took me three fucking days and the only thing I have highlighted is the name "Alexander Cockburn"
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
Don't be alarmed at the girl laying on your bathroom floor.
remember.. you're not a homewrecker.. you're just creating options for him..
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
Dude my cat is eating sugar cookies with me. No joke. My cat likes cookies.
Randomize
