Damn I can't remmbre the last tome I had sobr sex
Um. I believe with my boyfriend, slut
Fuck. Wron person. But yea
I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
I am choosing my outfit based on how fast I can get it off. Please help.
theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
We could supplement the Tour with Edward Andre-hands. Because 40s are for the 99%.
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
Just pulled a muscle trying to take a naked pic. I think it's time to start working out again.
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
That is cause you are some weird type of mutant that lives off of Alcohol.
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
THAT BEAUTIFUL FACE AND HEAVENLY LIGHTING IS NOT HELPING THE NOT DEAD POINT HOW DO I NOT KNOW YOU ARE NOT TEXTING ME FROM THE AFTERLIFE
The after life smells like latex gloves and hand soap
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
You literally snort drugs up your nose and you’re questioning the brand of the multivitamin right now?
Randomize
