I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
Finished drinking tea out of a red party cup when I was done I flipped it without even thinking
found out the liquor store price matches. thus begins senior year of college
The higher i get, the less gay he looks, and the more i want to make out with him. This is dangerous.
Its not monday til someone throws up in the hallway
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
If I had that in my pants Omg I would want a shirt made so everyone knew
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
I just realized I haven't got laid since the last time the Browns won.
jesus, I think that canada gold metal game has completely changed all rules of acceptable drinking habits, I was fucked untill noon and I just got invited to go party when I get off work...at 600am...and NO ONE understood why i was hesitant
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
Tomorrow I'm going to tape my thumbs to my palms and my biceps to my abdomen to learn what it's like to be a t-rex for a day. Anyone else in?
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