It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
In fact, not a good idea to go into any house alone after a man invites you in from his balcony.
making an indian outfit so we can be pochohantas and john smith and fuck in the canoe on the night float
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
After a roaring rendition of Jay-Z's "99 Problems but a bitch ain't one" I ended up making her cry on her birthday.
I went to bed at ten on a Friday night I have virtues to spare
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
Just burnt my tongue. Not sure if it will help or hurt giving blow jobs
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
what the fuck happened to the tacos
Grandma keeps pulling a bottle of captain from her pocket and spiking people's drinks.. She just yelled "I'm DAMN HOT to be a grandma!" .. I LOVE HER.
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