is it really this hard to find a guy i can fuck and have a good time with who doesn't ask where things are going btwn us?
you sound like my dream girl
So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
I know it I should, but it's kinda nice. It's smells like unbridled enthusiasm and copious amounts of melt your face off sex.
Oh, and apparently I was butt ass naked and walked into the room where anna was skyping her dude in afghanistan and said "This is happening."
Now I can't unsee my hot boss's under-boobs. Monday will be awkward.
Pics or STFU
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
He asked me if I've ever had my ass ate and there was no polite way to say yeah your brother's pretty in to that 😂 I went with "no"
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
Randomize
