I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
I'm in his phone as "nashville blowjob" he also has "cleveland blowjob" "vegas blowjob" etc. i'm okay with this.
2 things. 1. I just gave her a 6 hour long marathon fucking for America. 2. Thought of a new invention halfway through, and it's flawless.
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
Judge me...This apron fits PERFECTLY when I have no clothes on
Who said I was judging? More like congratulating.
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
i've got three words. i. was. spanked.
yeah we're all naked, and I think we just shaved Chad.
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
Yes I went home with her last night. I woke up this morning and ran into my boss on the way to the bathroom. Monday is going to suck at work.
Randomize
