You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
This is one of those situations that make me think to myself "what life decision did I make to get here"
remember the used condom we threw behind my bed? my mom found it and is accusing me and making a big deal out of it,
Haha! You pissed me off, so I actually told her to go look behind your bed. Good thing I moved to Nevada, so your dad can't kick my ass. Good luck bitch.
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
shes wearing an ankle tracker so she should be easy to find
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
I bet I give better head than any other PTA mom.
He asked if we were going to take advantage of his drunken state. When we said no he tired to show us what we were missing out on. It was so sad it almost made him cute.
Where is everybody?
It's pretty much split between the strip club and jail.
I knew the bike rally would be fun when I saw "male pole dancing" on the schedule
Randomize
