just got my goo swallowed for the first time. colors seem so much more vivid now, and more rainbows are outside
Slut skills are useful in every country.
I don't think the people up for their 8am class were as impressed with how many beads i got last night as we were.
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
He set two of my ex boyfriends on fire at two different bars without anyone knowing it was him or how it happened either time. He might be a fucking super hero
I mean, they were small fires and no one got hurt, but still. Awesome.
I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
Why r u in my phone under "the last survivor"?
Have you ever wondered if we are just made up characters in someone's head? You'll have to forgive me right now I think I have 7 thumbs
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
Randomize
