I just spent the last two hours on the phone with Emily trying to explain to her how to finger herself.
so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
Just fucked my roommate on the first night of our 12 month lease. 2010 will be awkward.
I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
i cant do it anymore.. every time this girl orgasms she sounds like a motorcycle
we didnt even have break up sex...
you had it for us with someone else...
I went in the closet and cried, then the bathroom and cried, and lastly he showed me his penis and I cried. It was a weird night.
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
Randomize
