It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
dude she has hot friends.. do you want blonde brunette or red head.. maybe asian?
what is this build-a-bear? .. just gimme one thats breathing
I need to hang out with girls who make more mistakes
No worries you cant actually turn into a wine snob if you brew it in your closet....
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
I just sit in the cubicle for 8 hours and do keagles.
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
i need to put some appletini on your dick
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
I think I may have fully transcended this spectrum of life. I can see beams of light man. Down to the photons
What
The only downside is I can't stop skipping
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
Randomize
