come downstairs quick. our boyfriends are having a dance off in nothing but their underwear and shoes. and they have semis too.
All i remember was he was wearing billibong pants... well actually my mom found that out for me.
This is the last pregnancy scare i've had since i was 12 and i thought you could get pregnant from masturbating.
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
Just watched a guy puke off his bike. Beyond impressed. He didn't even swerve
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
its gotten to the point where if her hand isn't on my butt i think we're in a fight
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
You just kinda wondered into the street and started screaming at dogs and small children...
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
Pro tip: When you spend the afternoon banging your boss, don’t meet your mother-in-law for dinner if you still smell like cum and watermelon flavored lube
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
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