this coming from the guy that still thinks "pulling out" is a good form of birth control? just walk away
oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
She tried to kill herself by taking a whole packet of panadol. I mean HELLO THAT'S ME EVERY SUNDAY MORNING.
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
Worst walk of shame everrr. Hopefully the thought of me walking 20 minutes in the freezing cold with someone else's sweatpants, a bra on & high heels will cheer you up today.
Oh god there are people jogging. Fuck off productive people, you don't know me.
I just found a video of you asking to be a whale with me.
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
not even kidding I just received the single most greatest head I have ever had.. It was unreal. It was like stick my dick into a silk bag of puppy ears.
I don't really feel bad about it, but I legit just squirted in the back of an Uber and it makes me think how many times has this happened before?!?!
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
Car sex in a public place. Boo ya.
Fuck your bullshit loser kid and his gluten allergy.
Randomize
