Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
Why the fuck do they always fuck on couches in porn?
Don't ever text me while you're jacking off. EVER.
I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
I deleted my history right in front of my girlfriend w/out her seeing. Let's go skydiving with no parachutes. I can live thru anything.
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
i gotta stop hooking up with people just to get to their dogs
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
He's gone. He left a note but all it says is "Dear Neil" followed by a drawing of a hand flipping the bird in the direction of a butt.
Fuck this virus. We’re finally back on campus but the bars suck parties are banned sports are canceled we eat in our rooms and can’t fucking hangout with anyone. I’m tired of virtual classes and involuntary celibacy
OMG IKR! It’s not college unless we’re puking in a toilet wondering if we’re pregnant or just hungover!
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