Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
They normally just get fucked up and see who can hold their hand on the exhaust the longest. It's great
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
It was awk he was sittin on a plastic backyard chair in his underwear and high white socks in the dark watching the nuggets game
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
You don't understand. On her lunch break she sits on the roof, stares into the sky, and chain smokes. I can't get on her level. She is made up of java monsters with whiskey and a voice that sounds like sex.
You need to stop crushing on your boss or fuck her.
I'm trying to be celibate. I'm having me time. I'm eating cake.
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
I don't have any soul left to be crushed.
Randomize
