My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
My cousin's dog just exhaled smoke. My job here is done.
I'll be honest. I knew what I was getting into. I'm not proud, but I'll be damned if I'm ashamed. 6 month draught is over. That's justice.
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
Literally just napped at strip club. Don't know how long
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
He started humming a moment like this when I was taking off his pants.
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
Randomize
