So she is eating her margarita with tortilla chips....like using her chip as a spoon
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
if I open my eyes, my head will explode. that hungover.
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
Today is an "outside sex" kind of day.
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
I agree and I would be an awesome dog
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
The important thing is that she is gone, presumably back to the depths of hell from whence she came.
Nana added me on facebook...i think i'll have to call her and warn her about my lifestyle before i confirm her as a friend.
You shoulda seen me try and clean up custard from an eclair off the floor while trying to pretend to be sober for my mom. Fucking hilarious.
Randomize
