So she said she wears a diaper when she's on her period and I'm not going to lie, I kind of want to see the diaper.
we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
if we break up, who will get the dealer?
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
I miss vodka workout Fridays
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
The only thing that makes me want to stop the affair is that I am the Monica Lewinksy in this triangle.
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
And think got sick again from going outside naked. Word to all females...don't try the naked trench coat thing.
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
your mission the party friday: cockblock me at ALL costs. I've cheated on my boyfriend twice. I feel like three times would be crossing some sort of line...
and no, I don't care how how hot he is
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