I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
I believe nudity is frowned upon at that establishment
It's his sex noise. "I'm gonna cu-THE LORD IS MY SHEPARD AND I SHALL NOT WANT"
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
She failed the Charleston discretion test, although puking in her armpit was very innovative.
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
All I remember is that I was trying to call my wolf pack by howling.
Just paid for birth control in all ones do you think she is judging me?
I mean we all knew i was gonna get arrested eventually but shoplifting is lame so dont tell anyone. Well just let them assume public nudity or something
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