dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
Shes definitely an expert at this. Her happy hour goes from 4 to 11, then she starts drinking heavy. She also allots 15 minutes each hour for a pee/bj break
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
It's called "lets see how many European capitals we can do the walk of shame through in one year"
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
So, last night I fell asleep sitting Indian-style on the floor, propped up against the front of the couch with an empty wine bottle in between my legs... How was your night?
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
Randomize
