I had a dream that chipotle was out of burritos... Was more like a nightmare.. Gotta go make sure it wasn't real now
I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
I planned on emotionally scarring him for life this weekend. DAMN YOU PERIOD!
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
I REMEMBER NUGGETS BEING THERE BUT WE WERE AT A TACO BELL
who knew magic tricks and sex would actually go together?
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
So I have a horrible yeast infection right now and I learned that Scott is cheating on me and now he has a yeast infection in his mouth and in his stomach a pretty aggressive one too. I believe the doctors call it thrush. Text me in the morning tell me what you think.
Randomize
