i think blowjobs on the first date are perfectly acceptable. as long as you dont go dick to mouth.
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
Disgusting. If I saw her naked my dick would pack up his balls and leave.
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
She was eating whipped cream out of a plunger at 3 am in the morning. Yet somehow she still had an elegance about her.
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
my mom just said "if you had sex with someone you don't really like I'm going to be so mad at you" HOW DOES EVERYBODY KNOW
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
Randomize
